Ojai Life

This is a bit of a touchy subject, so I’ll keep the names changed and gender-neutral.

I was young and fresh in the world of Office Admin. My co-worker, Jay, was taking a lot of time during work hours to make personal finance calls.

Jay was good-looking, knowledgeable, and a socialite. I looked up to them. I covered for them. They poured their professional and personal heart out to me, and I listened. I wanted Jay to like me.

Soon, I found out that Jay couldn’t make their home payments. They lived in a beautiful part of town but had refinanced at the wrong time. They were also the sole income earner in their family of five.

Fortunately, Jay’s wealthy in-law had a large-value life insurance policy against which Jay could take out loans. (…Fortunately?) At that point in time, Jay’s in-law was legally under Jay’s care due to mental health illness.

Every month, Jay complained and struggled with paying back the money into the policy so that it wouldn’t lapse. They expected the policy owner to die soon, and Jay began to express their wish for this to happen sooner rather than later.

At first, it was a subtle joke here and there. But as the months and then years went by, Jay’s expressions of desire for the misfortune of their “loved” one became more earnest. To me, it became disturbing.

Jay’s forwardness about the situation turned my admiration of them into disbelief that someone could be so cold. Eventually, they lost the house, but the policy remained in place.

By the time Jay did receive the death benefit, we no longer worked together. Jay went off to retire early and travel the world. Recently, they sent me a photo of a dead animal they killed on a hunting trip.

I’m a vegetarian.

For years, I wanted nothing to do with life insurance, because I had seen it bring out the worst in my friend. Still, I recognized that if I were a parent, life insurance would be indispensable. (And I was glad that my husband had a work policy in place in case anything should befall him).

When I became unemployed, the only job offers I got were from Life Insurance Agencies. Cautiously, I hit the virtual books and did the training.

I learned that with the right policy, life insurance is the last gift we can give to our families.

Jay should not have taken a loan out on a policy they expected to need soon. Perhaps they were sold the wrong type of policy. Ideally, once a policy holder has serious trouble taking care of themselves, they would have access to an Accelerated Death Benefit.

This would have helped Jay’s family with the cost of caring for their in-law towards the end. Even without the ADB, Jay could have opted to forfeit the policy for its reduced cash value once the payments got out of hand. Or replaced it for a policy with a smaller death benefit but smaller premiums. These were things their insurance agent could have helped them to decide.

This case also highlights the importance of choosing the right health care representative via a Power of Attorney.

In any case, I’ve since learned that while money can bring out the worst in people, it is the person that can turn unethical, not the money in and of itself. The money, when used for the intended purpose, can become a lifeline, even past our own lives.